100 beats a minute

It all started with the high priced society
Which turned into a lack of sobriety
I didn’t care about the slot colours and all the variety.
I want a future with the person I love
I want a home and family
Instead I needed a big shove
You see, I didn’t do this for the thrill
It was military to me, log on, deposit, you know the drill.
£10 lost, at what cost?
It’s only ten pound, try again
An hour later I’m sat there with a paper and pen.
Working out how much is gone from my savings, wondering how I’m going to tell my partner it’s gone

She works hard my partner, her head is screwed on, she would be the perfect mom

I lost hundreds of pounds, but how?
Well this is what I’m going to tell you now.
It wasn’t for the fun, it wasn’t just because I sometimes won. It was the anxiety, the fear, my heart beating 100 beats per minute, sweating and holding back each tear.
It was the shame, the embarrassment, the pain I know I would cause.
I let her down again and again and again
I’ve been a coward and a coward I would remain.
Until yesterday… yesterday I did something that is important.
I swallowed my pride, I gained the courage and I told her.
I told her I don’t have savings, I have been gambling.
Yes my world fell apart but it was already broken and I couldn’t take anymore of a shambling.

You know what happened?
I blocked myself from all 3 gambling sites I used. She stuck by me, despite her saying never defy me.
I love her more than anything in this world.
I have let her down more than quavers have been curled.

I don’t know who needs to hear this.
But don’t bottle it up anymore.
Open that door
Let the truth be free
Because it always comes out in the end
You need to admit it before you get round that dreaded bend
And overtime, slowly, but surely, your life will mend.

Thank you for reading. All the best for anyone that is struggling like I was.