Is this my life?

Many times I’ve tried to stop
Why ? It’s not harming anyone I tell myself
It cries out from inside once more , lucks going to change
Could this be true?
Can feel my face go red it’s bad news again
How many times shall I do this to myself?
Why am I hurting?
Guilt I feel painful guilt
how will I explain?
Lie I think she will never no
No luck again, the usual signs she knows
Tell the kids why we’re not going anywhere this weekend?
The pain is strong is this allowed ?
Are compulsive gamblers meant to feel guilty is it my fault?
Upsetting family only want the best
Got to change this carnt go on
Can this be my life?
From this day on relapse must go
With help I’m sure this can be true
Happy times the aim is there
Last chance saloon the challenge is on
Only time will tell…………. To be continued xq