I am dead.

[izzi25]

This is my first attempt at writing poetry about cg addiction. I wrote this in my process of trying to stop. This for me was a reminder that If I didn’t stop cg it would kill me and I would lose more then just my life.  
I am dead
I killed myself
Blood runs down my hands
Anguish fills my heart
I am dead
I aimed the gun, fired and shot myself in the head
These hands wouldn’t stop
They couldn’t stop
They kept going and going and going
Until the very last press
Until nothing is left
It’s done
Finally over
I am dead
I killed myself  
I let it consume me until nothing was left
It won
I am dead
I killed myself
Until the very last press
When nothing else was left
Except for the final tear I shed
Before I took the gun in my hand
Weeping for myself  no one else left to care
Family, friends they buried me a long time ago
They wiped their hands clean of me
While I still had breath
They watched me slowly whither and dwindle consumed only by my hunger to feed this addiction
I killed myself
In the end I lost
I lost more than just another gamble
I lost more than just my life
I lost my soul, lost who I was
I lost me
In that I lost them
I lost them all……
I killed myself
Blood runs down my hands
Anguish fills my heart
I am dead
 

[vera]

Izzi,
I hope you don’t mind me bringing this poem to the top as a poignant reminder to all of the consequences of gambling.
You know I was "on your side" from the beginning Izzi. I often wonder what happens to people who vanish from this Forum. I often ask myself "Is he/she gambling or (God forbid!) are they dead!?"
I never read this poem before. I was just broswing and it jumped out at me.
I think it’s brilliant!
Maybe I am meant to read it at this time.
I has certainly taken my breath away…..
Thanks Izzi. I needed to be stopped in my tracks.

[icandothis]

Izzi, I think of you often and hope you are doing well. We miss you. Vera, there is life after all of this…one breath at a time!

[Author]

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