I don’t know which way, but still I proceed

[dazedandconfused]

I don’t understand words, I only see numbers.
I no longer am present, the weight of shame encumbers.
I will listen, but only if you agree with me.
As time passes by, I have less money.

Where do I go, how do I leave?
I don’t know which way, but still I proceed.
What can I do today, how long will it be;
Until the boredom overcomes me.

I’ve forgotten how to feel, I don’t find it helpful.
I know I can gamble, I will be successful.
I am optimistic, I have plans and strategy.
I convince myself once again, I have the capacity.

Some time passes, nothing has changed.
Only my bank balance and my old self more estranged.
if I disregard this then there is no damage.
As life becomes more challenging, I seek another advantage,

I still don’t know the way, but still I proceed.
I must do the minimum, to hide and deceive.
If I could speak, would anyone listen?
I can’t speak, as my mind has gone missing,

Some time passes and nothing has changed,
Except a renewed desire to gamble again.
I try to distract myself but it is to no effect,
the urges are too strong and I will soon be wrecked,

Click, click, click, I wonder how many more,
Until I’m homeless, incarcerated or overdosed on the floor.
With every deposit, I become more withdrawn.
It seems I am alone, with nothing left to pawn

In fleeting moments it becomes clear to me
Gambling is not the answer, but I can’t take my thoughts seriously.
I don’t know which way but still I will proceed,
I will find the way but it is not easy.

Comments:
Probably a lot of grammatical errors/bad structure. I don’t believe I’ve ever wrote a poem(if it can be called that!) before but saw some others and thought i’d give it a try. Thanks anybody for reading, I guess today is Day 1 again!

[vera]

..is a poet’s prerogative.
No errors noted!
Great expression in your poem.
Writing poetry is very therapeutic.
Hang on to those fleeting thoughts that tell you that gambling is not the answer and act on them.

[dazedandconfused]

I appreciate that somebody took the time to read and comment. I typically wouldn’t post on here but do sometimes read the forums and find them helpful. The poem is what it is I suppose, I don’t expect everyone to think its wonderful or anything but if you are in the gambling struggle like me currently… I actually found this a worthwhile exercise for myself personally

[Here4u]

It’s not the gambling I’m predicting
Something else has caused addiction
Just like drugs or alcoholic
Overeaters a shopaholic

All are comforts plain to see
And Fills a void quite hopelessly
Kills some time yet stirs confusion
To find our way in this illusion

But here’s some words for you my friend
Go a day without a spend
Walk a path a different journal
Use your eyes to look external

Watch the birds and you will see
That just like them you too are free
Do not think just use your vision
And free your mind out of that prison!

[Meghna83]

enjoyed reading your poem and really liked stanza 2 and four especially:) thank you for sharing 

[Author]

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