20 June 2017 at 8:43 pm #9529MinefieldParticipant
Who is this man that I see in my mirror
As I turn away he moves ever nearer
His face shows pain is eyes despair
Desperation is his main affair
He is a hideous distortion of the truth
With eyes that stare at nothing
He lives in lies he juggles half truths
I have been following him everywhere
For 8 years
He is in great pain but he ignores it mostly.
he says trip to the casino to get him some pain relief in small doses.
I give him money so he can forget.
He wins then loses the money and soon he is filled with shame regret.
He tells me he’ll pay me back two fold when he hits it big.
Not at all caring that the system is rigged.
These days I accept that any money I give him is as good as gone
In the past he used to even pay me back
He was happier and far more in control of his life back then
These days he might as well be smoking crack.
I ask him. Are you happy with your life? He says well I haven’t been given a fair shake.
I can’t beat myself up over a few bad decisions.
One day the stars will align and I will get that big break.
When? I asked. When your life is so screwed up that by then It wont even matter?
He told me he is a coward and that he knows that he is headed for a crash.
He wants to quit but turns into a zombie every time he gets some cash.
Today he finally told me not to let him “borrow” anymore money.
I told him I would respect his wishes but I feel so sorry for him.
I see so much potential in him. Before I thought if he faces his demons and quits gambling his life would become amazing.
Now at this point as long as I can one day see a smile on his face that is actually not there to mask his pain then that will be the greatest achievement of his life.
When he can walk into the world and say “I am now the master of my demons” and no matter what happens after this I can accept it
I am glad that finally the face I see in the mirror is ready to walk with me and face life’s challenges and we will square up and not run and hide.
This feels amazing.
We can now finally appreciate the little things life has to offer. To love ourselves enough to know that we deserve to be here and that we can help others to love themselves as well.
This man I see in the mirror will be with me for the rest of my life
and for the first time in 8 years he finally sees me as someone he can trust. Someone he can confide in someone that believes in him.
We still have a lot to do but we know now that we have learned the hard way that you can’t run away from your problems your fears and your pain you have to face them head on.
Watch your money watch your ass and when a problem hits
Fight on my friend. Fight on.
27 June 2017 at 2:42 pm #9530veraParticipant
Great poem, Minefield
The man in the mirror will follow you when you stop following him….be careful
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