Forums Poetry Corner My journey of HOPE – as a fruit machine addict

Viewing 0 reply threads
  • Author
    • #9845

        I really enjoyed playing on my first fruit machine
        My hope was to play again – I felt really keen
        I felt that playing it was so much fun for me
        My hope was to escape life – and to feel problem free
        I loved the buzz that I got from actually playing
        My hope was to win – instead of maybe loosing
        I started to play the machines more and more
        My hope was to have them – in my life for sure
        I felt though that the addiction got a hold quick
        I hoped to control it – and to feel less inner sick
        I started to do devious things in order to gamble
        I hoped my mind would settle – be less of a scramble
        I lied, cheated, manipulated and stole so I could play
        I hoped to be far less devious – I wanted it today
        I tried to give up gambling on my own quite a lot
        I hoped that the addiction within me – I hadn’t got
        I felt the more I tried to give up the more I had to go
        I hoped to leave with money – before I had nothing to show
        I sat there in a cycle of winning, loosing and chasing
        I hoped to realise that an overall loss – I was facing
        I continued to sit there with thoughts of inner despair
        I hoped to get a buzz and a win – whilst sat in the chair
        I sometimes started to press the buttons in a certain way
        I hoped to trick the fruit machine – into giving me a pay
        I would sometimes say ‘I’d give up God’ if I can get a win
        I hoped to use a prayer – which I never usually said within
        I believed the machine had to pay as I’d put so much in
        I hoped that the machine – was going to give me a win
        I often left the arcade after a lost saying ‘I won’t go again’
        I hoped I would have the ability to give up – as it was insane
        I felt no matter how hard I tried to give up gambling alone
        My hope was lost – as I tried to win back what I had blown
        I did the above over and over all the time – for many years
        My hope was lost trying to beat the constant – inner fears
        I felt that my addiction had brought me down from my feet
        I hoped without gambling I could live – but inside I felt beat
        I knew in my mind I really wanted all the machines to vanish now
        My hope for this – was never ever going to happen for me somehow
        I knew instead I needed to give up because it was destroying me
        I hoped to get help – before I went on another gambling spree
        I was advised to go to GA for understanding support and advice
        My hope was with other’s help – I’d be able to live without this vise
        I went to the meetings a few times a week and listened and shared
        My hope was to learn to live without machines – but I was scared
        I realised that this would not happen in my life straight away
        My hope was making sure I tried to deal with it – each day
        I knew the cravings and urges to gamble were driving me insane
        I hoped to find support now – to settle my frustrated brain
        I knew that by connecting with other cg’s at meetings or on the phone
        My hope for dealing with this addiction – made me feel I was not alone
        I realise that with having effective barriers in place within my daily life
        My hope to stay gambling free – can help me cope with a lot of strife
        I know now that I have been told to occupy my time and fill the void
        My hope was trying to find something else to do – that I enjoyed
        I have managed to stay gamble free for a short period of time now
        My hope now is that I could continue to stay gamble free – somehow
        I once saw myself as the cg that could never give up for a day
        My hope is that I now see myself for sure – as a miracle of GA
        I also know that without gambling my life can feel rather strange
        My hope is never to give up on HOPE – without it – I cannot change
        I know within me I do not like the person that I have become
        My hope today is to change me – and no longer feel like scum
        I know I have to deal with my addiction each day as I am an addict
        My hope today is to remember – with gambling in my life I’d be licked
        I am grateful that other cg’s have never once given up on me
        My hope today is that I never give up on me – to stay gamble free
                                        Michelle (2012)– 15/03/2012 13:11:51: post edited by michelle64.

    Viewing 0 reply threads
    • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

    Gordon Moody

    Find out more about Gordon Moody

    If you want to find out more about what we do, how you can help personally or support us as an organisation then please get in touch and we’ll send you updates with our latest information and news.

    Translate »